Reoccurring Dream #1 – trigger warnings

I have so many reoccurring dreams that I might as well right them down.  Hopefully, it will help stop the torture.

I am a heavy dreamer.  I often wake up tired and exhausted physically.  Whatever my body went through in my sleep, I feel it when I wake up.  Well, I just got woken up from one by the phone, and I am grateful for it.

This dream takes place at a camp/house/building that is off in the woods a bit. It is meant to be a fun place for kids to hang out.  I definitely get the feeling like I was there when I was a kid too, but now I am an adult. The stay is always meant to be short, but once you are there, you are not leaving.  At least not until you’ve been mentally changed so that you don’t remember what happened to you there.

I have random flashbacks of moments spent there though, and not doing the “fun” stuff.  And yet, I often returned, thinking that I will just be visiting a fun place again, and it’s only after I am inside and captured that I begin to remember what happened.

This camp is where adults have sex with children. Since I was a grown up now, I wasn’t just used for sex anymore but to take care of the other children as well. The adults in charge trusted that I would do as they say as I have been their subject for a long time.

My memories are of weird sex acts that I am barely conscious for. I am aware that I had been drugged and that there is time missing. I am aware that I was pregnant at some point but that the baby was gone now – no real explanation was given to me and I didn’t require one. The more vague my memory the better. My mind didn’t like to remember.

Some people were nicer to me than others, and I remembered those who didn’t hurt me when they raped me quite fondly. But I didn’t get to see their faces, or if I did, I wasn’t allowed to remember them.  But I could remember the faces of the other kids (or now grown adults) that I had to be sexual with.  Upon seeing each other we would often interact sexually, in front of everyone. It was no big deal as this was how we felt comfortable with each other.  It even brought me a feeling of comfort and security to be sexual with him. Like we were old friends giving each other the best hug.

Being the most aware of all times, in this dream, I was helping others to become aware and hopefully escape.  Escape is difficult from this camp as all the neighbours are part of this “cult”. Every escape route or road seems to wind around and lead back to the camp. And as much as I tried, it was difficult to convince my fellow captives to leave. The brain washing was so strong that I had to try to avoid the leaders myself or else get captured, physically and mentally, again.

Near the end of my dream I actually got 3 or 4 people out and away. But that wasn’t enough. There were at least 100 kids in there, so I kept going back in to get more people out.

And then the phone rang (in real life) and I woke up. Grateful to be awake.

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